boyfriend refuses to let me have a snake.

[cardiocentric]

I'm sure this problem is common, but I figure I'd ask anyways. I have always wanted a snake, since I was a kid. I'm finally on my own but living with someone who HATES snakes with a passion. I've settled on the idea of a corn snake since they're the most friendly/least harmful of all of the options... and I happen to like them the best anyways. My question is, how can I persuade someone who can't STAND snakes that they're actually alright and serve a purpose in nature/life other than the terror animal planet has pigeonholed them to be?

[Aeonflame]

Well he may feel as strongly about it as you do. While he may understand that they serve a purpose in nature, he may have trouble coming to terms with the purpose that one serves in the house. A phobia can be pretty bad. I love snakes, but I have a terrible phobia of moths. If someone was keeping moths in my house I would freak out.

But... all hope may not be lost. Maybe you can take it at baby steps and eventually agree to compromise.

[Lady Hobbs]

You can't. You are sharing a living space together. If he doesn't like snakes, then you shouldn't bring one into the home simply because you need to respect those who live there too. Sometimes we just can't have everything we want in life.

[MuckyFish]

It depends of they would agree to immersive sensitization therapy. But frankly I think in the home if they are that afraid you should not. Different if you have an outhouse or other onsite location that's not in the home.

[metal-otaku]

love snakes. boyfriend is terrified. we have one rule. i don't buy a snake. he won't buy a dog. :) sorry that doesn't much. but yeah phobias are bad and hard to break. and being forced to live with one can bring undo stress on a person. and do you really want to do that to your roommate?

[Crispy]

If you really want him to let you get a snake then you better try to get rid of his phobia. take him somewhere you both could handle a tame snake. start with something that looks completely harmless like a baby. do it a few times and he may hold a bit larger snake. best you can do is educate him about the animals and show him 'hands on' that snakes aren't so bad. good luck!

[metal-otaku]

If you really want him to let you get a snake then you better try to get rid of his phobia. take him somewhere you both could handle a tame snake. start with something that looks completely harmless like a baby. do it a few times and he may hold a bit larger snake. best you can do is educate him about the animals and show him 'hands on' that snakes aren't so bad. good luck!

from experience i wouldn't try this. one it doesn't work. two it creates resentment. specially if you aren't willing to give something in return like working on one of your own phobias. three it can actually make things worse.

[Trillianne]

I agree with Hobbs that bringing one into the home at this point would be a bad idea. Unless the real motivation is that you are trying to break up with your boyfriend.

Every relationship has some boundaries and limits. If you want it to be successful you need to respect them, because its the same as respecting the person you are with.

You can certainly discuss his phobia with him, and if he's willing to go to the snake house at the zoo and gets more curious then maybe he will change over time, but if he's not willing to test it out and see then it may never change.

[dbosman]

Fear of snakes and arachnids seems to be genetic in some people.
While I can appreciate and handle snakes, I loathe them.

Make appropriate plans, go to a reptile show and pick up the best looking, most intelligent guyw there and let them chase you until you decide which if any will work out long term.

[Lady Hobbs]

Someone living at my home and suddenly having spiders would last around here about 3 minutes. Futhermore, I would resent that they were brought into my home knowing I hated them.

I'd show them both the door.