boyfriend refuses to let me have a snake.

[Rue]

...*sigh*...

...cancels road trip to see Hobbs...

...

...

...

...

...

[ameliaaahx]

Yeah... When you're in a relationship you have to make compromises. This means not bringing something he hates into the house. If the tables were turned and he wanted, say, a giant centipede as a pet (shudder) you wouldn't want him to bring one into the house either! (Unless you like centipedes. In which case you're weird.)

Maybe one day if you end up having a house together, you'll be able to have your snake and keep in it an area which he doesn't go in so he doesn't have to have any interaction with the thing at all. Eg. have a "snake" room, maybe in the garage or something -- this way it isn't technically in the "house". Somewhere he never has to go and never has to acknowledge it's existence. This will be pointless if you're gunna carry it round the house though. For example my friend really loves rats but her boyfriend LOATHES them, so therefore she keeps them but they stay in the shed outside. Never in the house. That's the conditions of her being allowed them. I know some people who keep reptiles or exotic pets have a specified room for them so they can be locked away safely from children or spouses who may want nothing to do with it. Of course he may hate the thing so much that he won't want it on the property even if he doesn't have to look at it. Then you're sh*t outta luck.

AWESOME snake by the way. I wish we were allowed pet snakes in new zealand. :(

[Suda Nim]

May I give some unsolicited advice?

Rather than phrasing the issue as "he won't let me," try thinking in terms of "if I do this, he will be unhappy/upset/scared."

"Won't let me" is a (parent/child) (boss/subordinate) dynamic. Own your decision.

(says the person who really, really misses having dogs but has a wife with a serious allergy)

[dbosman]

May I give some unsolicited advice?
...
(says the person who really, really misses having dogs but has a wife with a serious allergy)

At least the snake person can handle one without having to shower before coming home.
Are there field trials anywhere near you? If you bring a chair and a cardboard sign saying "dog lover married to allergic wife" I'd be cash, that many of the owners would let you "play" with their dogs.
Change clothes at a gas station rest room on the way home and put the doggy ones right into the washing machine when you get home.

[Suda Nim]

Good idea. There's a dog park, but it's a pretty far trip from our house.

The dynamic on fish with us is that she's OK with my having a tank at home, but she knows I'm a person inclined to short-term passionate interests, so she wants to see whether in a year I'm still big on the idea.

I've had friends pull "She won't let you have a tank at home? She's so mean!" when in fact she has a reasonable, calmly expressed misgiving, and has set a time limit.

Now that I think of it, that's how she accepted my marriage proposal: "Probably. Let's wait until we've been together a year and I'll give you a definite answer."