Chuck Norris Facts

[Chrona]

I'm sure some of your have seen these at some time or another on the internet. I figured I'd post some here. Gotta love cult followings. These are taken from [Only Registered Users Can See Links.] (lol)

# Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.

# When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

# Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

# There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

# Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

# Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

# Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

# Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

# Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

# There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

# When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

# Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

# Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

# There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.

# Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

# Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

# Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.

# Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

# Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost

# Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.

# Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

[Severus]

Haha, i have heard them before and they make me laugh everytime.

[Severus]

Im not sure if it is on the website but i like this one.

"Chuck Norris has 1,493 pieces of furniture in is house....

and ALL of them are the Total Gym"

[Chrona]

I like these:

A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.

lol

[Severus]

Haha, there are a lot of funny ones.

[Lauren B.]

Does the website happen to mention how much Chuck Norris paid for his teeth? I'd be curious because those veneers look fake as hell!

I guess he had to have his teeth refinished because he's kicked so much ass.

[Chrona]

Does the website happen to mention how much Chuck Norris paid for his teeth? I'd be curious because those veneers look fake as hell!

I guess he had to have his teeth refinished because he's kicked so much ass.

Chuck Norris can regrow damaged or missing teeth at will.

[Severus]

He can regrow them on command. Even if they arent damaged

[jweintraub]

During my last tour in Iraq, there was a civilian contractor out there who was a spitting image of Chuck Norris! We called him Chuck every day as we walked to work and passed by him. One of my soldiers even got his picture taken with him in the dining facility, it's a classic! We had hundreds of CN facts posted at work, he was definatly a daily topic of discussion!

[jeffs99dime]

chuck norris has a mullet! lol

[cocoa_pleco]

man, this is crazy. lol