Funny stuff for all the Canadians here

[Lauren B.]

Now that Vancouver has won the chance to host the 2010 Winter Olympics, these are some questions people from all over the world are asking. Believe it or not these questions about Canada were posted on an International Tourism Website. Obviously the answers are a joke; but the questions were really asked!


Q:I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow? (England)
A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.


Q:Will I be able to see polar bears in the street? (USA)
A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.


Q:I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto-can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only four thousand miles, take lots of water.


Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.


Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed beaver. (Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.


Q: Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (England)
A: What, did your last slave die?


Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da is that big country to your North...oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.


Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.


Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada?(England)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.


Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is.. oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.


Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)
A: No, WE don't stink.


Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you sell it in Canada? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of movie stars gather.


Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.


Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)
A: Only at Thanksgiving.


Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is illegal.


Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. (USA )
A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.


Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.

[Severus]

Those are pretty funny!

[cocoa_pleco]

i know. In vegas, i told a guy i was from canada and he thought i lived in a igloo.


ITS EXACTLY LIKE THE UNITED STATES HERE WITH A BIT MORE SNOW AND...
FRENCH PEOPLE IN THE EAST PART. lol

[Severus]

I have one common misconception i would like to clear up about Canada. Everytime i see Canada in a movie or something it is ALWAYS overcast! Do you guys have a lot of cloudy days up there??

[xoolooxunny]

I love Canada.

[Severus]

Ive never been there. I like that the drinking age is 18 though.

[Lauren B.]

So it's not true that all Canadians wear touks year round and have their hair styled like Wolverine's?? :confused:
Hmmm...I could have sworn.....

[Severus]

I have one common misconception i would like to clear up about Canada. Everytime i see Canada in a movie or something it is ALWAYS overcast! Do you guys have a lot of cloudy days up there??

Cocoa i need an answer!

[cocoa_pleco]

no, in summer we have clear days like...say, california, but winter is the $hits. Its grey sky 70% of the time

[cocoa_pleco]

So it's not true that all Canadians wear touks year round and have their hair styled like Wolverine's?? :confused:
Hmmm...I could have sworn.....


nope. I HATE dressing in hats and gloves and all that crap. I just wear a ball cap and hoodie

The wildlife is AMAZING in british columbia. There are tons of anenome pools and crabs cruisin around.

[cocoa_pleco]

The one thing i wanna do in about 7 years is move to vegas and be a cop, or texas.

RESPECT MY AUTHORITAH! lol

[Chrona]

Rofl, I'm gonna start a Chinese one soon ;)

[cocoa_pleco]

and most people speak english, like 95%

some speak french and english, and some speak chinese

[*Sarah*]

Ive never been there. I like that the drinking age is 18 though.

Umm, it's 19 actually:thumb:

[Severus]

Umm, it's 19 actually:thumb:

Well either way im still good. Ill be 20 in July

[*Sarah*]

lol, ok, then ur good to go. Just make sure you bring your ID, since they check anyone who they think is under 30.

[Abbeys_Mom]

It's funny, being in Southern Ontario, I live farther south then some of the states. People still think we eat whale blubber and live in Igloos. In New York it's lovely weather, but if you cross the lake it's an arctic wasteland, lol!
Personally, I love the weather where I am. We are sheltered by the Escarpment and have a great view of the lake. The Winters aren't bad and the Summers are a little cooler then other areas because of the lake. Our city has also been using larvacide the last 3 or 4 years, so now we have no mosquitoes or black flies here.
As far as cloudy days, I don't think we get any more then anywhere else. Even in the winter we have a fair share of crisp sunny days with blue sky.

[cocoa_pleco]

if its summer here always id stay here but i wanna move to las vegas BAD

[*Sarah*]

Where in Southern Ontario are you Abbys_mom? You can't be too far from me, since I'm kinda Southwestern Ontario :)

[Sasquatch]

i know. In vegas, i told a guy i was from canada and he thought i lived in a igloo.

I told a guy from Toronto that I lived north of Muskoka and he thought I lived in an igloo too.

Umm, it's 19 actually:thumb:

It's 18 in Québec!

But frankly, it's the same thing everywhere. Americans think we're sandal wearing peace activists that live in igloos. Canadians think Americans are a bunch of gun crazy christian fanatics.

Germans don't think we have milk, we think they eat nothing but sausages.

and the list goes on.....

It even happens within Canada. The number of funny looks I get from Quebecers when they find you I'm from Ontario!

Should serve as a lesson to all of us to travel more and be more open to look beyond the stereotypes.thumbs2:

[Abbeys_Mom]

Where in Southern Ontario are you Abbys_mom? You can't be too far from me, since I'm kinda Southwestern Ontario :)
I'm in the GTA.

[Lauren B.]

I've never been to Canada even though I've lived in Chicago and NYC. However, I think it might be cool to visit since Canada has city names like Moose Jaw, Chiliwack, and my personal favorite, Thunder Bay. (Not that I know where these places are, the names have just stuck in my head over the years).

[Lauren B.]

They should rename suburbs of NYC. They would be called Traffic City, Ghetto-opolis, Rudesville, and What-The-Hell-Is-That-Smell Town.

[Chrona]

What-The-Hell-Is-That-Smell Town.

That's New Jersey, not New York ;)

[Lauren B.]

Jersey and New York are one in the same.

[Chrona]

The smell in NJ is so bad it drifts into NY now? o.O

[*Sarah*]

I'm in the GTA.
Oh, ok. Now it's coming back to me..I think we may have discussed this before, no? YOu have to forgive me, since having kids my memory is almost non-existant!:help:

[Severus]

The smell in NJ is so bad it drifts into NY now? o.O

I wish you could see where i live in NJ. You probably wouldnt think it is NJ

[Drumachine09]

From what i have heard, NJ is like NY's ugly sister. They want to be like NY, but arent. Ive been to spotswood (my uncles house) And i kinda like NJ.

[Severus]

Just because everyone is bashing on NJ i am going to stick up for my great state! lol.

Here are some cool facts:
New Jersey is a peninsula.

Highlands, New Jersey has the highest elevation along the eastern seaboard, from Maine to Florida.

New Jersey is the only state where all of it s counties are classified as metropolitan areas.

New Jersey has more race horses than Kentucky.

New Jersey had more Cubans in Union City (1 sq mi.) than Havana, Cuba.

New Jersey has the densest system of highways and railroads in the US.

New Jersey has the highest cost of living.

New Jersey has the highest cost of auto insurance.

New Jersey has the highest property taxes in the nation.

New Jersey has the most diners in the world and is sometimes referred to as the "Diner Capital of the World."

New Jersey is home to the original Mystery Pork Parts Club (no, not Spam): Taylor Ham or Pork Roll.

Home to the less mysterious but the best Italian hot dogs and Italian sausage w/peppers and onions.

North Jersey has the most shopping malls in one area in the world, with seven major shopping malls in a 25 square mile radius.

New Jersey is home to the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island.

The Passaic River was the site of the first submarine ride by inventor John P. Holland.

New Jersey has 50+ resort cities & towns; some of the nation's most famous: Asbury Park, Wildwood, Atlantic City, Seaside Heights, Long Branch, Cape May.

New Jersey has the most stringent testing along our coastline for water quality control than any other seaboard state in the entire country.
New Jersey is a leading technology & industrial state and is the largest chemical producing state in the nation when you include pharmaceuticals.
Jersey tomatoes are known the world over as being the best you can buy.

New Jersey is the world leader in blueberry farming.

Here's to New Jersey - the toast of the country! In 1642, the first brewery in America, opened in Hoboken.

New Jersey rocks! The famous Les Paul invented the first solid body electric guitar in Mahwah, in 1940.

New Jersey is a major seaport state with the largest seaport in the US, located in Elizabeth. Nearly 80 percent of what our nation imports comes through Elizabeth Seaport first.

New Jersey is home to one of the nation's busiest airports (in Newark), Liberty International.

George Washington slept here. Several important Revolutionary War battles were fought on New Jersey soil, led by General George Washington.

The light bulb, phonograph (record player), and motion picture projector, were invented by Thomas Edison in his Menlo Park, NJ, laboratory.

We also boast the first town ever lit by incandescent bulbs.

The first seaplane was built in Keyport, NJ.

The first airmail (to Chicago) was started from Keyport, NJ.

The first phonograph records were made in Camden, NJ.

New Jersey is home to the Miss America Pageant held in Atlantic City.

The game Monopoly, played all over the world, named the streets on its playing board after the actual streets in Atlantic City.

And, Atlantic City has the longest boardwalk in the world,

Not to mention salt water taffy...

New Jersey has the largest petroleum containment area outside of the Middle East countries.

The first Indian reservation was in New Jersey, in the Watchung Mountains.

New Jersey has the tallest water-tower in the world. (Union, NJ!!!)

New Jersey had the first medical center, in Jersey City.

The Pulaski SkyWay, from Jersey City to Newark, was the first skyway highway.

NJ built the first tunnel under a river, the Hudson (Holland Tunnel).

The first baseball game was played in Hoboken, NJ, which is also the birthplace of Frank Sinatra.

The first intercollegiate football game was played in New Brunswick in 1889 (Rutgers College played Princeton).

The first drive-in movie theater was opened in Camden, NJ, (but they're all gone now!).

New Jersey is home to both of "NEW YORK'S" pro football teams!

The first radio station and broadcast was in Paterson, NJ

Sorry it is so long!

[Chrona]

Highest cost of living? wtf? I'm gonna check on that :P

[Severus]

Its true. With taxes and everything

[cocoa_pleco]

its true about the living cost. Vegas's sewer smelt like pure $hit when i went there. It smelt like ALL of the dirty diapers EVER made burning with 20000lbs of barber hair on it.

[Willyleigh]

Umm, it's 19 actually:thumb:


18 in the UK!!

[Chrona]

18 in the UK!!

0 in China!

:)

[Severus]

0 in China!

:)

Now that is awesome! :19: