Animal Cruelty Rant

[MandyK]

My inlaws showed up for a visit today.

As usual, my mother-in-law felt it necessary to update me on all the animals they had killed since the last time we met. This is a regular thing.... I'm pretty sure she does it because she knows how much it bothers me. Please note that when I say, 'killing' I mean letting them die from neglect, or inproper care.

Anyway, I got to hear the story of the death of two bettas. Not necessarily a story really, just letting me know that she let a 3,6, and 7 year old shake their small containers, not feed them, and not provide heat for them. Her quote was, "I though Sam said they wouldn't die!" .... Sam would be my husband...

Really? I mean really? Just to give you a small taste of why I'm so frustrated -- add this to the following scenarios:

Last week -- dog hit by car, broken leg, refuses to take it to the vet. Felt the need to tell me about it.
Current -- refuses to feed their other dog regularly out of pure laziness. Takes 50 pound bags of food from me anyway (that I pay for)
Couple months back -- Bought a baby pot bellied pig for a 2 year old. Let it die of scabies.

(No particular time) Limitless amounts of kittens being eaten by dogs, dropped by the side of the road, and trying to pawn them off on me (some successfully) by telling me what they plan on doing to them.

Every year at easter a new rabbit or two is purchased. I once got a phone call where I could hear a screeching dying rabbit in the background because they had left it on the concrete porch in full sun with no water. I took last year's rabbit.

SOOOOOOOOOO, I just wanted to mention that I am SO sick of these idiots asking me for advice, help, or just plain telling me this crap.

[Tiari]

If I were you, if you know they have animals they are not caring for, anonymously call animal control on them. I would have no hesitation on doing so, and have done so in the past without any remorse.

[Brhino]

I hate to say it, but some of your behavior in taking in unwanted animals may be enabling her. I agree with Tiari... a call to the authorities may be in order if you can catch her at the right time - a couple dead bettas won't do it obviously but a mistreated dog or cat should.

[MandyK]

Although it seriously does things to my conscience -- I have done my best to stop taking animals from her. I do not think this enables her in any way. According to my husband, they have been this way all his life. He even told me a story of how she made him dig a hole, and shoot a litter of puppies because they annoyed her when he was a young boy, throwing kittens off a bridge into traffic below. Just sick, and ignorant people....

My blood boils just thinking about it. If they push me too far, I'll end up calling on them. Unfortunately -- our humane society consists of one older woman who also happens to be a cop. I happen to be great friends with her, but she doesn't really have too much support. This is one of those small towns where things like that are always looked over, and almost accepted.

I just wonder WHY she feels the need to tell me this stuff. I mean it's usually the first thing out of her mouth. Why??

[Vreugy]

Besides being a moron, she is jealous of you. You took her "baby boy" away from her. You should turn her over to the authorities and pray she will get her upcomance and maybe, just maybe, she will learn something.

Hang in there kido, there are still a lot of great people out there.

[leaveittoweaver]

Although it seriously does things to my conscience -- I have done my best to stop taking animals from her. I do not think this enables her in any way. According to my husband, they have been this way all his life. He even told me a story of how she made him dig a hole, and shoot a litter of puppies because they annoyed her when he was a young boy, throwing kittens off a bridge into traffic below. Just sick, and ignorant people....

My blood boils just thinking about it. If they push me too far, I'll end up calling on them. Unfortunately -- our humane society consists of one older woman who also happens to be a cop. I happen to be great friends with her, but she doesn't really have too much support. This is one of those small towns where things like that are always looked over, and almost accepted.

I just wonder WHY she feels the need to tell me this stuff. I mean it's usually the first thing out of her mouth. Why??

She sounds like a very narcisistic person who enjoys your reactions.

Does she tell you about it like it's a funny story, or is it more like she's telling you about her day?

Either way that's awful and I'd definitely call animal control.

[talldutchie]

There's idiots like that anywhere. Call the authorities. Even in a country like yours where hunting is so popular there must be laws against animal neglect.

[Amelia]

That's disgusting. You're lucky your husband didn't grow up to be a barbarian with role models like that.

My father is into hunting, but he would NEVER neglect his animals. His dog is absolutely his best friend.

[talldutchie]

Just something else that occurs to me... getting all these animals to neglect. That must cost money? Rub her nose into that?

[Aeonflame]

Call the authorities. Animal abuse is unacceptable.

[mommy1]

Hunting and abusing are two completely different things. Hunting is very popular here, abusing animals not so much. Mandy, they need to be reported, I know it's difficult because they are family, but it still needs to be done. If nothing else you need to confront them and tell them you don't appreciate their animal cruelty and you want them to stop telling you about it, or they will be reported.

[ramboo]

They say that people who are cruel to animals turn into psychopaths.

[talldutchie]

That is actually a proven fact

[Aeonflame]

Empathy is not limited to the suffering of humans. I would not trust someone who could treat animals that way.

[Tiari]

In the meantime.......

Since obviously what spews out of their mouths offends you, (I don't blame you, just seeing it typed here has my blood boiling), turn the tables. Get good at evasion and distraction, and cut them right off. There are many ways of doing it, and one is to be blunt honest. When one of these horrible stories even begins, at the first note of disgust you can say point blank:

"You know, people go to jail for that". or, "What a humane bunch you are".

If those tactics don't work, which it may not, be proactive. If you know a subject they don't like, prepare a list of things to "Bring up" that they will NOT want to talk about. As soon as they start, cut them off and go right into a pre-planned uncomfortable conversation. I've found this type of reverse psychology works wonders and trains those that talk about horrible things, that if they do, it might lead up to where they don't want the conversation to go.

[Rue]

There are toxic people in the world. You can't change them.

But maybe you need to set limits...or cut them off entirely. I wouldn't want people like this looking after my kids for example...in any form.

[MandyK]

Thanks for all the support and ideas you guys.

These are indeed people who have more money than brains... and not much money if that tells you anything.

They are very aware of how I feel about issues like this, which I think is one reason she chooses to throw it on me.

I have no idea how my husband turned out to be the loving and compassionate person he is. I've heard many stories of how he was raised, and I just can't even imagine it.

Now, our relationship isn't all bad. I don't want you to think that. They are great grandparents and are even raising all the grandkids they have except for mine. My husband was pretty much the only kid of theirs to move out and get a life. Not to mention the only one to get thing together a bit before he started popping out kids.

I think that their main problem is that they give the kids everything they want. If that means a pet that no one will care for, then that's what they get. As far as I know, the horror stories of shooting puppies and squashing kittens no longer goes on. on If so, you can believe something would be done. It's almost like their neglect happens because they are just too stupid to understand what they are doing. The bad part is that they are mostly unwilling to learn or change. They don't see animals as feeling beings... Just things that are disposable.

That's why, try as I might to resist, I end up taking some of the animals. I mean if I'm not going to have enough spine to report them, the poor animals deserve a chance. So there's my problems....

I may have to start opening my mouth more often.

[mrramsey]

I may have to start opening my mouth more often.

I think you need to rephrase this to "I will".

As hard as it sounds you are indeed enabling by taking no action.

DECIDE - It all starts with making a decision, stating that you may do something indicates that no decision has been made to do anything.
COMMIT - Commit to follow through with the decision you make no matter how difficult.
SUCCEED - Success will come when the first two steps are followed.

Please don't take this the wrong way, it is meant as encouragement. Good luck, I know dealing with situations like this when family is involved is very difficult.

[MandyK]

I'm really going to have to disagree with my taking animals enabling them.

They did it before I was ever around, and they still would. The only difference now is that the animals I take don't just simply die.

Now, my not calling on them could def be considered as enabling. I can see that.

Believe me, I've thought about all the things mentioned, and I've thought hard. Please don't think that I don't suffer for it either. I guess it's all just too complicated to explain over a computer.

At any rate, I don't want to hear about it from them every time I see them. But then perhaps they'll just end up fracturing our relationship to a point where I won't care if I ruin a relationship.

[Lady Hobbs]

Oh boy. This is bad. And beyond disgusting. Makes me wonder how lax they were when it come to caring for their children. So many seem to think "they are just animals" and I burn up inside when someone gets a dog and just sticks it in the backyard on a chain. Or get pets when they can not afford to take it to a vet to have it "fixed" or vaccinated. No one wants to get in a family feud with in-laws but I think I'd have to tell her you will report her if you have to hear of any more abuse. I don't know what to say other than you can not fix stupid!

[fishmommie]

This is heartbreaking, Mandy. And a very difficult situation for you. You've been given a ton of well intended advice but you are the only one who can decide what, if anything, you can do about it. They are your husband's parents and the grandparents of your little one so it's a very sticky situation. I'd consult with your husband, let him know how much it bothers you (if you haven't already) and make a plan of action from there.
At the very least, you should not have to hear about the neglect and abuse. You can not control ignorance if ignorance is the chosen course. Very sad.

[Trillianne]

I believe most places will allow you to report anonymously, which may be an option when dealing with family. Getting their bad behaviors on record with animal control is important. Even if you do not hear of them following up and pursuing the issue, this at least puts them on the radar with the animal control authority for any other additional reports that come in. This is the first step on the roadway to having them banned from owning pets or having pets in the home, which would be the ideal imo.

There is no reason you have to tell them you called and reported them, and I wouldn't personally threaten them with doing so, just take the action of doing so.

Calling the authorities to let them know you've heard from them about their dog that has a broken leg that has not had medical care is where I'd start.

[Aeonflame]

The sad thing is, the children they take care of will learn from them about taking care of animals. In their case its not a good thing.

[Knightia]

I would call the authorities and ask them to do a welfare inspection of the property. Pretty horrendous - more so because these people are part of your family now...yeesh. That sucks. :sad: